Pumpkin, our 1st grader, came home from school
Monday clutching a wrinkled, well-worn flyer from the local Boy Scout troop.
They are recruiting. Pumpkin, who is not interested in organized sports or
organized anything for that matter, is VERY interested in joining the boys pictured
on this flyer. There are images of smiling boys shooting skeet, racing cars,
camping & hiking. It is apparent from the looks of this paper that it has
made many trips in & out of his pocket, folded & refolded, studied
much. Please, he says, please will you sign this and say I can do it? I really want to be a Butter Cub! (no idea why he called it that, but it was cute)
So, here is the challenge: The Boy Scouts of America does
not respect my family, heck, they don’t even recognize that we ARE a family. I
see a lot of value in the skills & life lessons they teach, but when I look
at this flyer and see words like “compassion, character development,
leadership”, I think Hypocrites with a capital H. But, I also see my son’s
hopeful eyes and innocent spirit. He is 6, he knows nothing about politics
& prejudice. Sigh. Why oh why can’t he just be in to t-ball, or karate or
the ump-teen other things we get recruiting flyers for?!?
D & I tell him, we will think about it. We will go to
the parent meeting, talk with the Den Leader and think about it. I’m not one
for confrontation or loud public displays of disagreement, so I thought it best
to email the leader, to give her a head’s up on our situation prior to the
meeting. Here is the email I sent:
Hi
Angie –
My
son is interested in joining the program. I will be attending the meeting with
him tomorrow evening, but had a few questions first. I don’t want to put you on
the spot in front of other parents or make you uncomfortable so thought it best
to ask the questions via email.
We
are a 2 Mom family. I understand that the Boy Scouts have recently changed
their position and policy statements to be more inclusive of gay
& lesbian members; however, not accepting of leaders/parent volunteers. Our
son got very excited when he saw the flyer and wants to join. He is
in 1st grade and doesn’t understand the politics/controversy our family unit
might cause in scouting. So here are my questions:
1.
If
he joins the program will we as a family be able to attend his scouting activities?
I understand we wouldn’t be allowed to be trained volunteers (sadly), but
attend the events (matchbox car races etc.)?
2.
Is
there ever a time in the program when same-sex families or issues would be
addressed? (I would think not, I would think it would be a non-issue, but just
wanted to make sure there isn’t a time families like ours would be
portrayed negatively)
We
think the scouting program has wonderful things to offer. We are not
interested in causing controversy or stress for anyone. We really just want our
son to be able to take part in the program, as long as it isn’t detrimental to
his attitude & feelings about his family dynamic.
Sincerely,
Amber
(I did
not receive a reply to the email. It’s been 3 days and I still haven’t)Meeting day came, I picked Pumpkin up from school and he was vibrating with excitement, “is today the meeting? The cub meeting?” Yes, it’s today. D stayed home with the girls, so it was just me & Pumpkin. We went to the meeting. I was picturing parents & eager sons in chairs, leaders up front with a basic scouting overview and time for Q&A, maybe some cookies..…what we got was a school cafeteria wild with shouting, running children, tables of adults filling out forms, writing checks & leaving. No overview, no cookies, certainly no leadership. No chance to ask questions at all.
I wanted
to leave. Pumpkin sensed this and quickly grabbed up an application. “Mom, do
you need a pen?” he said, with this desperate look in his eyes. Sigh. I
thought, Ok, I’ll do the paperwork, we can always back out later.
We
waited in line to turn in the application & check. Here’s the scene: One
frazzled looking lady & many, many children & parents all trying to
talk to her at once, my son included. Somehow,
he got her attention. He handed her the app and said, “I have two baby sisters,
will they be able to come to my meetings?” I quickly assured her the babies
will not join us at meetings, we’d get a sitter.” She smiled, looked thankful
and moved on to another parent. We were walking away, when Pumpkin pulled his
hand from mine, marched up to the lady and said, “I wasn’t finished! What I want
to know is, will my sisters and my parents be allowed to come to my meetings…and
stuff?” I do not know what the look was on the lady’s face at this point, because
my eyes were a bit blurry. I did hear her though, she said, “Of course! We love
having parents at everything we do!”
Pumpkin
was beaming. He rushed back to me, “Did you hear that Mom?” Oh yes, I heard it.
I felt it. I’m still feeling it in all kinds of ways. I’m not sure if he overheard D & me talking
the night before, or if he was just concerned about going to future meetings
alone? I do know the lady had not read my email at this point because her
answer was not a loaded one. It was a quick, innocent, straight, “we welcome
everyone” response. And that is not the scouting way.
On
the ride home I told Pumpkin how proud & touched I was that he was
concerned about our family being accepted & included. I asked him, what
would you say, if the lady said no, your family cannot go to all the
activities? In his 6 year old honesty he said, “I don’t know Mom, I really,
really want to be a Butter Cub”. I laughed and corrected him..again, “It’s a Tiger Cub
son.” We laughed together and I just dropped the subject because I could feel his anxiety over it.
I
hate leaving a post with no resolution, but I still have no reply from the
email. The lady said there would be an informational meeting scheduled in the
next two-weeks. I’m anxiously awaiting her response & the meeting. I want
this to work out for Pumpkin. I want this to work out for us. I want this to
work out for the Boy Scouts of America. That’s my challenge though, if it doesn’t
work out. If they won’t accept our family and welcome our involvement, how do I
break this news to our son? How do I use this as a teaching lesson without
hurting him?
I guess we can start a troop of Butter Cubs, I could teach cooking, scrapbooking, couponing? Seriously though, this
is a current and ongoing challenge for our family. I have no answers yet, but I’ll
keep ya’ll posted!
If
you’d like to read about what challenges others in my group are writing about,
check out this link.
UPDATE - She replied to my email, late last night:
I think I talked to you on the phone and covered this. I will get the application to the school. Our information/pack meeting is Sept. 9 at 6pm.
My reply: We have not spoken on the phone. I was at the school Tuesday & filled out the application then. It must have been another 2 Mom family you spoke with.
Her reply: You are still invited to our meeting on Sept. 9th.
I am not thrilled with her response & refusal to address any of the issues BUT I am thrilled to hear that maybe, just maybe there is another family like ours in the school system!!!! After Sep. 9th I may owe a BIG thank you to the Boy Scouts of America for connecting local LGBT families! heehee! :-)
UPDATE - She replied to my email, late last night:
I think I talked to you on the phone and covered this. I will get the application to the school. Our information/pack meeting is Sept. 9 at 6pm.
My reply: We have not spoken on the phone. I was at the school Tuesday & filled out the application then. It must have been another 2 Mom family you spoke with.
Her reply: You are still invited to our meeting on Sept. 9th.
I am not thrilled with her response & refusal to address any of the issues BUT I am thrilled to hear that maybe, just maybe there is another family like ours in the school system!!!! After Sep. 9th I may owe a BIG thank you to the Boy Scouts of America for connecting local LGBT families! heehee! :-)
